The Choice of Being Neither Here nor There
by Blissful Sorrow
Summary: He hadn’t expected himself die so pathetically, fighting off his cousin and because of his own foolish pride and arrogance. He’d expected himself to die in a blaze of glory, heroically fighting off Lord Voldemort and protecting the Chosen Boy...
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: My second fanfic! This was intended to be a one shot, but I think it's going to end up as two or three chapters. Anyway, without further hesitation, enjoy (or at least, I hope you do)!_

_Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own the Harry Potter series. The only thing Iown is my brain and the silly ideas/plot bunnies that insist on bothering me when I should really be studying for exams..._

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As the jet of red light shot towards him, he ducked and laughed humorlessly at his cousin, belittling her meager attempts to duel him and believing firmly with great confidence that he'd be able to defeat her and put an end to her wrongdoings at once. For a renowned Death Eater, she seemed to be awfully out of practice to Sirius. Perhaps it was this foolish thought that had gotten the better of him like it always had. He'd been too laidback, too full of himself and trusting his own abilities far too much. He knew this recklessness was his most deadly weakness. It had been ever since he'd learned how to _breathe,_ for Merlin's sake. Having been sorted into Gryffindor and acquiring an equally reckless and fun-loving friend like James to back him up hadn't done much to help his problem either. Remus, his only sensible and down-to-earth friend, had always shook his head in half amusement and half concern whenever this recklessness had gotten the pair into trouble, sounding very much like a fretting mother hen. _'Honestly, Padfoot and Prongs, you two will both get yourselves into quite a bit of trouble at one point if you aren't too careful! Don't say I didn't warn you guys…' _

But just as he began to relax into his usual manner, the dark-haired woman in front of him shot out with surprising agility and speed that caught him unaware. Before the jet of light even hit him, he knew what was happening, and what would become of his fate a few milliseconds later.

It wasn't that he hadn't been prepared to die soon. He knew that when he'd set out for the Ministry instead of staying in the safety of the house, he was risking his life. He'd been more than willing to do that, though, if it was for his godson. He'd promised James when he'd been named the godfather that he'd take care of sweet, young Harry no matter what, and that he'd be a second father to the young boy. What he didn't expect, and why his expression was a mixture of his lingering laughter and shock, was how he'd go. He hadn't expected he'd die so pathetically, fighting off his cousin and because of his own foolish pride and arrogance. He'd expected himself to die in a blaze of glory, heroically fighting off Lord Voldemort and protecting the Chosen Boy.

His friend's warning came back to him now as he neared death's door in a manner that was not at all as he'd expected – if only he'd been a bit more careful, a bit more prepared…

He heard the whispering of the voices and how they beckoned for him to join them, and at the same time, they seemed to be full of sorrow, sympathy, and regret for him. 'Such a tragedy,' he heard a hollow voice whisper behind him, just beyond the veil. 'If only he'd been more careful and less reckless…'

Soon, too soon, he felt his back touching the fluttering veil, and he was falling backwards into it, the darkness soon engulfing him. The last thing he saw before his vision was completely obscured by the darkness of the veil closing after him was his cousin's triumphant smile, and the expression of horror and grief on the last Marauder – or at least, the last Marauder that he trusted – and on his godson's face that was far too mature and grieving for the number of years the boy had lived. The last thing he thought before he felt himself being transported into a place that seemed like a whole different world and element was that he'd failed both James and Harry, and that he was so awfully, terribly, painfully sorry…


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N:I know I'm not the most experienced or the best writer but really, I know some people are at least clicking on the story so at least _some_ people have to be reading this, right? I'd like some reviews and feedback! It's really hard for a beginning writer to go on without those because I have no idea what I'm doing wrong or what I'm doing right and how I can improve myself. Thanks to those (if any) who are reading this, though, and sorry for the long wait between chapter 1 and chapter 2._

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He thought that he was surely in some empty void of darkness that he'd heard was what awaited in death. He couldn't bear being in the place. The walls were closing in around him – if there _were_ such things as walls in whatever place he was in – and he suddenly couldn't breathe, although he knew that action wasn't necessary as he was technically already dead.

Sirius let out a hoarse scream of despair. He'd failed James. He'd failed Lily. He'd failed Harry. No, that wasn't it. He'd failed everyone. His own stupidity had led him to this horrible fate, and he couldn't believe he was now going to have to suffer from his own self-blaming thoughts for eternity in this hell.

"Sirius."

A familiar voice shook him out of his thoughts. Bewildered, he looked up and froze at the sight of two familiar figures looking down at him with sad, sad smiles.

"J-James? Lily?" He whispered, not trusting his own voice nor his eyes. It couldn't be – his two dead friends were standing in front of him! But as he thought about it, he knew it was actually very possible. After all, he was dead himself, and perhaps he was in that heaven everyone seemed to believe that existed after death.

"Nice to see you again, old friend." The dark-haired man with glasses forced a ghost of his old playful grin and offered a hand to help his friend up. As soon as Sirius was standing beside him, James' grin faltered and then disappeared quickly. "We… We weren't expecting to see you so soon."

Sirius couldn't bear the guilt any longer. With a heart-wrenching and yet uncharacteristic sob, he buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking with grief. "I'm… I'm so sorry, Prongs! I swore to protect him, I know I really did, but look what I've become! I've… I've failed you both, Lily and James!"

Lily placed a hand on the grieving man's shoulder. "It's not your fault, Sirius. We're not blaming you for anything. We're thankful for all you've done for our little boy up to this point. We just wish… We just wish you didn't have to go so soon – for both Harry's sake and yours."

"Hey, old friend, you've changed in the years we haven't seen each other! I don't recall you ever being such a sentimental guy," James teased, clapping Sirius on the back in a reassuring manner before his voice turned softer and more gentle. "Look, you did all you could do. The only thing we can do now is to watch over Harry where we are and pray to keep him safe. Loony's still out there, isn't he? He'll help Harry, I know he will."

Shaking his head vehemently, Sirius looked up at his friends. "I can't do this. I have to go back – for him! This isn't right. I shouldn't be standing here with you two while he's left to fight alone! Isn't there any way for me to go back?" His eyes were desperate and pleading.

"There is."

This time, it was a strange voice that startled Sirius. He looked around and spotted an old but wise-looking woman stepping, or better, materializing, out of the darkness.

"Who are you?"

"I am your Angel of After Death."

As soon as those words were out of the woman's mouth, Sirius felt his two friends suddenly disappear, and he looked at the places where they once were with a sense of panic and foreboding.

"No! James! Lily!" With a face contorted with despair and loss, he turned back to the woman. "What have you done with them?"

"I did not do anything. Don't worry, Sirius, my child. You will see them soon enough, if that is what you choose," the Angel replied.

"What I choose? What do you mean? And you, you said there was a way for me to go back! I need to go back, I just have to!"

"Take my hand and let's take a little journey together, shall we?"

Hesitating with suspicion for a split second, Sirius finally decided that there was nothing to fear for after all, he was already dead, and clenching his teeth together and clamping his eyes shut, he took her hand and waited for whatever was waiting for him.


End file.
